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Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
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After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar
Chuck Norris can alphabetize m&m's
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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
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I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
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Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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More jokes about: racist, black people, animal
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
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What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.
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More jokes about: black humor
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
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More jokes about: school, student, teacher, time, technology