Q: How do you eat a frog? A: You put one leg behind each ear.
Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!" Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple who are running their hands over each other passionately. ‘I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,’ says the man. ‘Watch them!’ says his wife. ‘You already know how to play volleyball.’
A motorcycle cop pulls over a driver. ‘Have you been drinking, sir?’ says the cop. ‘Why?’ says the driver. ‘Is there a fat chick in my car?’