Best jokes ever

My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.
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More jokes about: marriage
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
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More jokes about: kids
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
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More jokes about: animal, Thanksgiving, food
Two programmers in a bar: Do you see that chick there? Look at here “properties”! Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
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More jokes about: IT
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
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More jokes about: life
Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.
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More jokes about: school
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes onions cry.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
When I was born, everyone was so happy. Even the doctor said, ‘I think it’s a baby.’
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More jokes about: kids
Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.
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More jokes about: Yo mama