What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Yo mamma’s so fat, her belly button looks like a black hole!
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." "Boobs" the drunk replied.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?" The clerk says to her, "Just a second." The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!
Q: Why do blacks have flat noses? A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.