A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
A Blonde was at a gumball machine.
She put a quarter in and kept getting a gumball out.
The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball.
She said, "Shut up! I'm WINNING!"
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
Pull on a coworker is to press ctrl+print screen on their workstation, then paste it into Paint, save the pic, and set it as the desktop background.
Move all of their icons to the trash.
When they get back to their desk, clicking won't accomplish anything!
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Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mad flap for her pick up truck.
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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Q: What has two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a cat.
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What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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