Chuck Norris cuts paper by sticking his fingers out in a V and moving them up and down.
Vote:
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Vote:
What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
Vote:
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.