What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, and says to the barman, ‘I want you to call me David Hoff.’ ‘Sure,’ says the barman. ‘No hassle.’
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.