In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t. And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.