The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way.
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Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
From tomorrow you are free!
The lawyer informs his client.
Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner.
I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.