Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.
Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A. She moved.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.
Yo momma’s so fat, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.