Best jokes ever

Two old men hobble into the pub. One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’ ‘All right,’ says the other. ‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
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has 44.49 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
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has 44.48 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: catholic, dirty, priest, teen
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
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has 44.48 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"
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has 44.48 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
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has 44.48 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
Meteors didn't kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just needed a new pair of boots.
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has 44.48 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dinosaur
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
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has 44.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you loose your car keys, click on find. "Help" with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
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has 44.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: car, IT, life
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
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has 44.47 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Q: What did the Mexican get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 44.47 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: mexican, racist
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