What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!
A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman. ‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman. ‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’
Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer? He liked cold hard cash!
Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny? A: A Cold dog on a bun.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
What’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild? A fifty-dollar bill.