A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.