A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Elephant Man would have paid to see her.
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car? A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas? A. Erection Sets.
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Never bin laid on.