Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Why do blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first 9 months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.
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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
2 > 1... unless that 1 is Chuck Norris.
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Why do white people have pets?
Because the aren't allowed black people anymore...
Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... With a stick.
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Chuck Norris actually painted all of the colors of the wind.
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