Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11? The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Yo' Mama is so flat, paper gets jealous.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
Yo mama so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.
Q: What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much? A: A beer-a-cuda!
Priest to woman: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband.’ Woman: ‘Who’s going to look?’
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time
What's small, and red, and full of holes? A baby on a bed of nails.