Best jokes ever

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, light bulb
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, medical, money, time, health
Your mom's so fat she sat on Big Lots and it turned into Lowes!!!
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More jokes about: Yo mama, fat
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Vote: has 33.28 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"
Vote: has 33.28 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, airplane, travel
Yo mama so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday? A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.
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More jokes about: black humor
I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!
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More jokes about: dirty
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Vote: has 33.24 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
"Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sunbath!
Vote: has 33.24 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, insulting