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Yo momma’s so ugly, she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes.
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He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.
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Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.
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What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? Seasoned troops!
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What did the blonde’s right leg say to her left leg? Nothing, they’ve never met!
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Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married. Not to each other. But they were married.
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I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
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They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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