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Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night? A: Cold cream!
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Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
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Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
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Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
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Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
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An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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Chuck Norris' primary weapon in Call of Duty is his roundhouse kick.
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I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
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Chuck Norris does, in fact, put his pants on two legs at a time.
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