Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’ Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’
An announcement came over the intercom for the college students: "Will the students who are parked on the wrong side of the Parking area please move their cars." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the three hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Yo momma’s so fat, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?