Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’ Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
I think I just evolved into Homo Erectus.
A nigger goes to the doctor in South Africa. He cries he’s got neck pains, the doctor tells him to strip his clothes and walk in four legs and stay for a while in every corner of the room. The nigger, get’s up in his feet and asks the doctor what’s the point: Well this because I have a new black table and I wanted to see where to put it!
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?" The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."
Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Two. One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob? A. Because everybody gets a turn.