What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
What can save a dying blonde? Hair transplants.
What's grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue. What's even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M and M's factory? A: She threw away all of the "W's".
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
How can you tell if a blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball. "I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition." "Batted .007," his wife added.