What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Teacher: “How do you spell “dog”?” Boy: “D, o, g, enter.”
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.
It was a hot summer night. Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple... I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to of all people a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
How come you don’t find stupid brunettes anywhere? Because they all painted themselves blond.