What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? "You keep hearing about them, but never see any."
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.