We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. ‘Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?’ ‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk. ‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
Yo mamma so big she had to carry the VCR as beeper.
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
Q: How do the makers of Celebrex celebrate? A: Fuck if I know
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.