Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
A man walks into the sheriff's office.... "I want to become a deputy!" "Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster. The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.' "What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man. "Rustling."
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch? (Because he was stuffed!)
Many people get valuable furniture on hire purchase, it’s not that expensive when they buy it, but by the time it’s paid for they’re usually antiques.