A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink. His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
Q: Why is it OK for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch ’n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry. ‘You idiot,’ says his wife. ‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’