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Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
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More jokes about: men
"Agent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself, she answered. "Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what’s your name?" she asked. "Beersex."
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More jokes about: alcohol
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall . The drunk mumbles, "ain’t no use knocking, there’s no paper on this side either!"
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More jokes about: alcohol
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A rubbit!
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More jokes about: animal
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
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More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
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More jokes about: blonde
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
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More jokes about: alcohol
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream? Aston Vanilla.
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More jokes about: sport
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
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More jokes about: alcohol