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What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? "You keep hearing about them, but never see any."
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There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
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A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
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Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
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Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
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I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
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Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
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Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, ginger, blonde, baby