How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink. His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
Q: Why is it OK for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.