If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: Where do you find elves?
A: Depends where you left them!
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Your mama's so stupid when she saw a bus with lots of white kids in it she said stop that Twinkie.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she was pulled over for drunk driving and asked to walk a line, she said, "Which one?"
What do cows usually fly around in?
Helicowpters and Bulloons.