Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?" Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?" Patient: "What pills?"
Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.