A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the loo. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!" After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop. They hide in potato sacks. The officer kicks each bag....when he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow....when he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff...when he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.
How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek? One.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.