Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the beer starts to run.
Water holds its breath when Chuck Norris is in below the surface.
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.