Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Chuck Norris can power solar panels. At Night.
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die? A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."