Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house? Don’t pay the water bill.
Why do blondes like lightning? "They think someone is taking their picture."
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"? The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
What would you do if a Blonde threw a hand grenade right at you? "Just pull the pin and throw it back."
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. "Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Yo mamma’s so big, when people see her they start screaming: “That’s a huge bitch!”
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"