I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
Did you hear about the blonde who sold her car to get some money for petrol?
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac? DON'T keep taking the tablets!
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!
Windows: Weapon off mass destruction!