What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?" "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’ Lawyer: ‘Absolutely. What’s the other question?’
Two Bear Hunters Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Spot!
Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo. Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny. Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that! Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"