I may be a cold hearted and a unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk NO FAT CHICKS! Dont laugh at my ride, your daughter may be in it! Horn broke watch for finger I'm not pshycotic, I cant read your mind. Keep staring I might do a trick. Chicks dig my ride. I found Jesus... he was behind the coach the whole time. I didn't sell my soal to satan...... but we did work out a rent to own deal. Dyslexic satan worshipers think they're worshipping Santa. I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige. I smile because I have no Idea whats going on. Guys: just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. STOP FOLLOWING ME, I don't know where I'm going.
Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat” He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, woof”. The cop says, “its only a dog”. He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, “potato”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. While drinking, he hears funny voices, but thinks nothing of it. Again, he hears the funny voices and asks the barman what they are. The barman points to the peanuts and says, ‘Don’t worry about them. They are complimentary nuts.’
What do you get when you cross an apple with a nun? A computer that won’t go down.
The boxer fells down in the fourth round. The referee starts counting. Billy’s grandmother gets up on her legs from the first row and screams: Stop counting for nothing, he won’t get up! I know him from the buss...
‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen