Yo mamma’s so big, when she gets outside the house people start screaming: “Freak!”
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
What difference is between a man and Paris? The Paris remains Paris!
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.
How do insects communicate? By bee mail.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.