Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name.
It's called the internet.
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Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers?
A: You can only kill so much time.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
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What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull out the pin and throw it back.
What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.