A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband. The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’
When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
What does a frog say when it sees something' great? Toadly awesome!
An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates. They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’ The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes? Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Why did the chicken cross the road? So he can make you curious.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)