The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.” She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, “No. I am surprised. You are astonished.”
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
What color is a burp? It's burple!
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot? Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
What's gray and powdery? Instant Elephant.
Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.