I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
What can you serve that you cannot eat?
A tennis ball.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
Did you hear about the policeman who found a stolen car on Acacia Street?
He pushed it onto Park Street – he couldn’t spell Acacia.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat.
He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can!
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.