Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet? You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Did you hear about the small golf course? You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
How did the blonde die icefishing? She got run over by the zamboni!
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'