Chuck Norris doesn't do steroids, steroids do Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Two halves make a whole.
Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Moses did not part the sea.
Chuck Norris accidently did while sneezing.
Vote:
What's the difference between a rooster and your mom?
A rooster says cockadoodledoo, Your mom says anycockledoo.
A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?
A: Because the condom wouldn't fit over the phone.
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals.
At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him.
"Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat!
What's up with that I wonder!"
The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife.
We went to the games together."
"Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously.
"She passed away," said the gentleman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man.
Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."