Best jokes ever

While giving a physical, a doctor notices that his patient’s shins are covered in dark, savage bruises. ‘Tell me,’ says the doctor. ‘Do you play hockey or soccer?’ ‘No,’ said the man. ‘But my wife and I play bridge.’
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More jokes about: sport
What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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More jokes about: animal
Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
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More jokes about: men
What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet? You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
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More jokes about: money
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
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More jokes about: alcohol
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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More jokes about: lawyer
Did you hear about the small golf course? You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
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How did the blonde die icefishing? She got run over by the zamboni!
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More jokes about: sport