A bear walks into a pub, and takes a huge bite out of the bar. ‘Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘But I’m not a druggie,’ replies the puzzled bear. ‘Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?’
Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.
What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head.
A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her. "I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied. To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
What’s black with three feets? A piano!
He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.