Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...? "It's open."
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, "Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife." Donnie says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Ronnie says, "Where did you get that beer, Donnie?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," Donnie replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", Donnie says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow." She said, "You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow." Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
Yo mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the shit out of the toilet.
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!