"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram