A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?" Girlfriend texts back "Duh!" So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich." So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!" Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
Q: Where do you find elves? A: Depends where you left them!
Ghosts actually have their own kind of tv. The show that scares them the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".
Chuck Norris could catch that damn acorn in those ICE AGE movies!
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Chuck Norris always wins at Jenga, the tower couldn't dare to crumble.
Redbull doesn't give you wings. Lat pulldowns do.
Teacher to student "Why is every answer on your test 'Chuck Norris'?" Student to teacher "Chuck Norris is the answer to all problems!"
Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.