An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens? A: A meowntain.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
You have got to be kitten me!
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."