"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
Clark Kent had to call himself "Superman" because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.
"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.