Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.